Unconventional Christmas Movies

So many people told me today that they were glad that Christmas was behind them or that it didn't feel especially Christmasy this year. If you're like me, it was over too soon and you can never get enough. That's why it pays to know where you can go for a discreet Christmas fix without tipping off any haters who might make fun of you. Perhaps you looked at the EW poll pictured here (click to enlarge) and thought, "Love Actually can't possibly be the second most popular Christmas movie, it's not even a Christmas movie, and neither is Die Hard!" If so, you were half right. They may not be Formal Christmas movies per se, but any movie that doesn't star Santa Claus and/or include singing about snow can be an Informal Christmas movie. You can watch the latter kind of movie anytime throughout the year without fear of being judged. If you think Gremlins (1984) and Edward Scissorhands (1990) are pushing the envelope when it comes to what's considered Christmasy, check out the five highest rated theatrical releases on IMDb under the keyword "Christmas:"

1. The Godfather (1972)
2. Goodfellas (1990)
3. The Apartment (1960)
4. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
5. Annie Hall (1978)

If those don't make you feel that extra something special, you can always turn to my unconventional favorites:

1. The Family Man (2000)
2. Serendipity (2001)
3. Better Off Dead (1985)
4. Donnie Brasco (1997)
5. Batman Returns (1992)

The Twelfth CD of Christmas

When we got into the car yesterday, we asked my son what he wanted to listen to and he said "Christmas tree music" (for him, Christmas is all about the tree still). I have a Christmas mix CD in the car which starts off with "Skating," one of Vince Guaraldi's jazz songs from A Charlie Brown Christmas, but even when I play jazz that's not Christmas-themed, he calls it "Christmas tree music." Well anyway, my wife had just finished burning a CD with a different Christmas mix, so she popped that in but the first track wasn't jazzy. Lo and behold, my son cried out, "That's not Christmas tree music!" So from the mouth of babes, Christmas is jazz. Just in case you didn't know. And that's really interesting to me because for a lot of kids that grew up on A Charlie Brown Christmas, that's probably true. But even if you hated those holiday specials like I did, there's still all the jazz crooners that seem to dominate Christmas: Dean, Ella, Frank, Louis, and Sammy. Okay, maybe not so much "dominated" by Louis Armstrong, but since his name has come up here, it gives me a great segue into the final CD, Wynton Marsalis' Christmas Jazz Jam. You see, when most people think about jazz, they think about Louis Armstrong, but whenever I hear the name Louis Armstrong, I'm always reminded of Wynton Marsalis. That's because everything I know about Louis Armstrong, I learned from the Ken Burns Jazz documentary, which is mostly about Armstrong and relies heavily on interviews with Marsalis, who pronounces Louis with an "s" instead of "Louie," like everyone else I've heard talk about him. Modern jazz purists criticize the Burns doc for only covering the music before 1960, much the same way they criticise Marsalis for being "stuck in the past" musically. I personally don't care that his Christmas album is mostly Dixieland jazz. It's sure happier than a Charlie Brown TV special is. But if you're looking for sad and slow, there's a bluesly take on "Blue Christmas." If you're looking for something more modern, at least give his "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" a try. When I bought this CD, it had a sticker on the wrapper that said it was a Target exclusive, like two other awesome mix CDs that I already owned, A Holly Jolly Christmas: 15 Kids' Christmas Classics and Santa Baby: A Romantic Christmas. Now I see that Christmas Jazz Jam is available on iTunes and I feel a little cheated. I'll get over it though because I know Christmas isn't actually about trees or even jazz, it's about sharing. So thank you for sharing the Twelve Days of Christmas with me while I shared my favorite CDs.

As a bonus, here is a list of my top ten Christmas songs, regardless of artist or style (in alphabetical order, with the number of versions I own):
1. "Ave Maria" (5)
2. "Carol of the Bells" (10; betcha can't guess which song is my popular favorite; for a version that's scarier than the tubular bells on The Exorcist, check out the sustained dissonance at the end of Ray Conniff's "Ring Christmas Bells")
3. "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" (4)
4. "The Little Drummer Boy" (8)
5. "Mary's Lullaby" (the two that I own are two completely different songs; there's the LDS Children's Songbook song and the John Rutter one that I sang in choir at the University of Utah; yes, I can be heard on iTunes, albeit in a sea of voices)
6. "Merry Christmas Baby" (5)
7. "O Holy Night" (7)
8. "Silver Bells" (7)
9. "Sleigh Ride" (6; this is probably my personal favorite, even though I don't own that many versions of it; the only contender would be "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" and I own even less versions of that; for a very contemporary sound, check out KT Tunstall's new release)
10. "This Christmas" (5)

The Eleventh CD of Christmas

"The reggae Christmas tradition didn't just roll in overnight, it reaches all the way back to the old-school artists who cut their teeth in the pre-reggae days of ska and rocksteady . . . Ska pioneers Byron Lee & The Dragonaires pump some punchy horns and perky organ riffs into an old holiday standard, ending up with "Winter Wonderland Reggae." And historic harmonizers The Ethiopians stir up a rocksteady beat for the ring of that "Ding Dong Bell." (iTunes Essentials Reggae Christmas "Deep Cuts" introduction)

The first time I ever heard a reggae version of a Christmas song was six years ago in Toronto. We were visiting my sister-in-law and at the time she lived mere blocks from Kensington Market, apparently the home of a significant Rastafari population. I'm always intrigued by music that's played loud enough to be considered noise pollution, so I made my way over to the tent where this old Jamaican guy was blaring his very own Soul Vibes Reggae X-mas mix CD from a speaker half as tall as me. For fear that nobody would believe what I'd heard, I asked him if he would sell me a copy. Next thing I know he's pulled out an suitcase full of bootleg CDs and wants to bargain. The CD (homemade liner notes pictured above) turned out to sound like crap on every other stereo system besides his and maybe I was high on whatever that guy was smoking when I bought it, but it has led to further enlightenment, also known as "My Top 20 Reggae Christmas Songs" playlist (titles in bold are personal favorites):

The Chistmas Album
1. "Rich Man for Christmas" - Lady Saw

Christmas Eclectic
2. "Silent in the Night (Dub Mix 2)" - Up Bustle & Out feat. Blaze

Christmas Greetings from Studio One
3. "Jingle Bells" - Roy Richards
4. "White Christmas" - Bob Marley

Christmas Party Time in the Tropics
5. "Winter Wonderland Reggae" - Byron Lee & The Dragonaires

Now That's What I Call Christmas! Vol. 4
6. "A Child Is Born" - Rihanna
7. "Drummer Boy" - Sean Kingston

Reggae Christmas
8. "Here Comes Santa Claus" - Winston Francis
9. "Have Yourself a Merry Christmas" - Heavy Beat Crew (if just for the lyrics, "if you drink, then remember don't drive, want you all to stay alive")

Reggae Christmas from Studio One
10. "Hi Fashion Christmas" - Dillinger & The Brentford Harmonics (samples "54-46 That's My Number" by Toots & The Maytals)
11. "Real Christmas Rock" - Tennessee Brown & The Silvertones

Sweet Reggae Christmas
12. "Christmas a Come" - Chaka Demus & Ini Kamoze

Trojan Christmas Box Set
13. "Ding Dong Bell" - The Ethiopians
14. "Merry Merry Christmas" - Alton Ellis & The Lipsticks
15. "The Night Before Christmas" - Eek-A-Mouse
16. "O Come All Ye Faithful" - Freddie McGregor
17. "We Wish You a Reggae Christmas" - Yellowman
18. "Santa Claus Dub" - The Aggrovators
19. "C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S" - The Rhythm Aces

Verve Remixed Christmas
20. "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm (Yesking Remix)" - Billie Holiday

The Tenth CD of Christmas

"On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me" the last title for an unintentional top ten list of Christmas CDs (sorry tonot follow the meter or rhyme scheme of the song). I say "unintentional" because when I decided to blog about a different album each day during the Twelve Days of Christmas, the only order I put them in was the order that I bought them. Music is all about memories though, and the the CDs that bring back the most memories are the ones I've owned the longest. So by default, the first ten that I bought also happen to be my top ten of all time. If you told me I could only own one Christmas CD, I would choose Music Box Christmas (see my 12/10 post). But I understand that music boxes are my own personal obsession and might sound monotonous or shrill to someone else. Changing the scenario, if you told me YOU could only one Christmas CD, I would recommend Christmas with Conniff (1959). Why the switch? It's because of all the CDs I've blogged about thus far (there's two more on their way, but they're not "top ten"), none are as much middle-of-the-road fun for the whole family, perfect for parties without being too loud, yet reverent of the Christmas spirit without being too slow. In other words, if you don't like Ray Conniff, I don't want to know you.

According to one reviewer on Amazon, Ray Conniff was "Muzak before Muzak was Muzak," but I disagree. The unique thing about Conniff's music was he had the singers wordlessly "sing" the instrumental parts, something like scat, but definitely not like elevator music. Most Conniff fans seem to agree that We Wish You a Merry Christmas (1962) was his best holiday album, but I disagree with that too. The tracklisting on the back of that CD may say that there are twelve songs, but half of them are medley segments, so there are really only six tracks. Even then the whole album is no more than a half hour long, and the last two tracks are annoying rhythmically, so you're basically paying the price of a full album for four good songs. (The liner notes describe it differently: "a rhythm sound that is one of the album's particular delights, and the chorus takes full advantage of the unusual alternating 4/4-3/4 beat.") This leads me to his third holiday album, Here We Come A-Caroling (1965), which according to another reviewer on Amazon, "replaced the harps with guitar," though it only bothered me on two out of the twelve unique songs. The bottom line is that Ray Conniff was always innovative, even if that goes against the definition of "elevator music."

The Ninth CD of Christmas

There are currently four volumes in the Now That's What I Call Christmas! series, six if you count the Country volume and the single-disc Essential volume. You could own this series by itself and consider yourself a Christmas pop music expert. I'm not going to cover the Country volume here, but I have put in the research to blog the following consumer report on the main series and its Essential volume.

Which volume is actually the most essential? "There can be only one."

Artists appearing multiple times in the series (my pick for each in bold):

1. Christina Aguilera - "Merry Christmas Baby" (Vol. 3) vs. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (Vol. 4)

2. Gene Autry – "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (Vol. 1) vs. "Frosty the Snowman" (Vol. 3)

3. Tony Bennett – "Winter Wonderland" (Vol. 1) vs. "My Favorite Things" (Vol. 3)

4. Mariah Carey – "All I Want for Christmas Is You" (Vols. 2 & 4) vs. "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" (Vol. 3)

5. Nat King Cole – "The Christmas Song" (Vols. 1 & 4) vs. "O Come All Ye Faithful" (Vol. 3)

6. Bing Crosby – "White Christmas" (Vols. 1 & 4) vs. "Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth" (Vols. 1 & 4) vs. "Silver Bells" (Vol. 3)

7. Celine Dion – "Don’t Save It All for Christmas Day" (Vol. 1) vs. "O Holy Night" (Vol. 2) vs. "Feliz Navidad" (Vol. 3); NONE - not because of Celine Dion but because of the arrangements

8. Gloria Estefan – "Love on Layaway" (Vol. 1) vs. "Christmas Through Your Eyes" (Vol. 2) vs. "’ll Be Home for Christmas"(Vol. 3)

9. Ella Fitzgerald – "Sleigh Ride" (Vol. 1) vs. "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (Vol. 3)

10. Amy Grant - "A Christmas to Remember" (Vol. 2) vs. "Breath of Heaven" (Essential)

11. Burl Ives – "A Holly Jolly Christmas" (Vols. 1 & 4s) vs. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (Vol. 2) vs. "Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town" (Vol. 3); ALL - because Burl Ives is the man

12. The Jackson 5 – "Up on the Housetop" (Vol. 3) vs. "Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town" (Essential)

13. Brenda Lee – "Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree" (Vol. 1) vs. "Jingle Bell Rock" (Vol. 3)

14. Peggy Lee – "Happy Holiday" (Vol. 2) vs. "The Little Drummer Boy" (Vol. 3)

15. Dean Martin – "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!" (Vol. 1) vs. "The Christmas Blues" (Vol. 2) vs. "Baby, It’s Cold Outside" (Vol. 3) vs. "A Marshmallow World" (Vol. 4)

16. Johnny Mathis – "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" (Vol. 1) vs. "Silver Bells" (Vol. 2) vs. "It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" (Vols. 3 & 4)

17. *NSYNC – "You Don’t Have to Be Alone" (Vol. 1) vs. "I Don’t Want to Spend One More Christmas Without You" (Vol. 2); BOTH - so deal with it

18. Stacie Orrico – "O Come All Ye Faithful" (Vol. 2) vs. "Christmas Wish" (Vol. 3)

19. Elvis Presley – "Blue Christmas" (Vol. 1) vs. "Here Comes Santa Claus" (Vols. 3 & 4)

20. Rihanna - "It Just Don't Feel Like Xmas (Without You)" (Vol. 3) vs. "A Child Is Born" (Vol. 4)

21. Kenny Rogers – "Kentucky Homemade Country Christmas" (Vol. 2) vs. "Christmas Is My Favorite Time of the Year" (Vol. 3)

22. Frank Sinatra – "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (Vol. 1) vs. "Jingle Bells" (Vol. 3)

23. Luther Vandross – "O Come All Ye Faithful" (Vol. 1) vs. "Please Come Home for Christmas" (Vol. 2)

24. Andy Williams – "The First Noel" (Vol. 2) vs. "It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" (Vols. 3 & 4)

Songs appearing multiple times in the series (my pick for each in bold):

1. "Baby, It’s Cold Outside" – Tom Jones (Vol. 2) vs. Dean Martin (Vol. 3)

2. "Blue Christmas" – Elvis Presley (Vol. 1) vs. Johnny Cash (Vol. 3)

3. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" – Frank Sinatra (Vol. 1) vs. Judy Garland (Vol. 3)

4. "Do You Hear What I Hear?" – Vince Gill (Vol. 2) vs. Carrie Underwood (Vol. 3)

5. "Feliz Navidad" – Jose Feliciano (live version; Vol. 2) vs. Celine Dion (Vol. 3); NONE but the original studio version, which appears on the Essential volume

6. "I’ll Be Home for Christmas" – Barbra Streisand (Vol. 2) vs. Gloria Estefan (Vol. 3)

7. "Jingle Bell Rock" – Bobby Helms (Vol. 1) vs. Brenda Lee (Vol. 3) vs. Daryl Hall and John Oates (Essential)

8. "Jingle Bells" – Diana Krall (Vol. 1) vs. Jimmy Buffett (Vol. 2) vs. Frank Sinatra (Vol. 3) vs. James Taylor (Vol. 4)

9. "The Little Drummer Boy" – Bing Crosby and David Bowie (Vol. 1) vs. Lou Rawls (Vol. 2) vs. Harry Simeone Chorale (Essential) vs. Sean Kingston (Vol. 4)

10. "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" – Johnny Mathis (Vol. 1) vs. Andy Williams (Vol. 3 & 4)

11. "O Come All Ye Faithful" – Luther Vandross (Vol. 1) vs. Stacie Orrico (Vol. 2) vs. Luciano Pavarotti (Vol. 2) vs. Nat King Cole (Vol. 3) vs. Celtic Woman (Vol. 4)

12. "O Holy Night" – Celine Dion (Vol. 2) vs. Al Green (Vol. 3)

13. "Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree" – Brenda Lee (Vol. 1) vs. Cyndi Lauper (Vol. 3) vs. Toby Keith (Vol. 4)

14. "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" – Gene Autry (Vol. 1) vs. Burl Ives (Vol. 2) vs. Ella Fitzgerald (Vol. 3) vs. The Temptations (Vol. 4); ALL - because it's the ultimate Christmas pop song

15. "Santa Baby" – Kylie Minogue (Vol. 2) vs. The Pussycat Dolls (Vol. 3) ; BOTH - because this song's funny whether it's done well or not

16. "Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town" – Bruce Springsteen (Vol. 1) vs. B2K (Vol. 2) vs. Burl Ives (Vol. 3) vs. The Jackson 5 (Essential)

17. "Silent Night" – Boyz II Men (Vol. 1) vs. Charlotte Church (Vol. 2) vs. The Temptations (Essential)

18. "Silver Bells" – Johnny Mathis (Vol. 2) vs. Bing Crosby (Vol. 3) vs. Martina McBride (Vol. 4)

19. "(There’s No Place Like) Home for the Holidays" – Perry Como (Vol. 1) vs. Barry Manilow (Vol. 2)

20. "This Christmas" – Joe (Vol. 1) vs. Donny Hathaway (Essential)

21. "Winter Wonderland" – Tony Bennett (Vol. 1) vs. Louis Armstrong (Vol. 2)

If you count up my picks for each, Vol. 3 appears to be the most essential for both artists and songs across the series. I stand by Vol. 1 though, because it's the only one with the original "Jingle Bell Rock" by Bobby Helms, which is practically canon, or at the very least, required listening during the holidays.

Most of the best selections from the Signature (Vol. 2) are repeated on the Essential volume: Chuck Berry, José Feliciano, Elton John and Wham! I still recommend the Signature (Vol. 2) for its Destiny's Child, Mariah Carey and Gloria Estefan tracks.

Vol. 3 is the only one to include "The Grinch" song and a punk rock version of a Christmas song. There are a couple of songs which are repeated on Vol. 3, supposedly because they're superior recordings, but they're not. You're better off with the "Little Saint Nick" from Vol. 1 and "Winter Wonderland" from the Vol. 2.

When I first looked at the tracklisting for Vol. 4, I couldn't see past all the contemporary country and top 40 pop artists on disc 1. Then I mistook disc 2 for a rehash of previous releases. While the Lady Gaga song is wrong on multiple levels, the poppy Kelly Rowland "Wonderful Christmastime" cover is an improvement over the Paul McCartney original. Last but certainly not least, I just found one of my new favorite Christmas songs, and that's "December" by Norah Jones.

The Eighth CD of Christmas

Pop quiz, movie fans! See if you can match the movies listed below to the oldies tunes that each one featured:

1. Top Gun (1986)
2. Adventures in Babysitting (1987)
3. Dirty Dancing (1987)
4. Ghost (1990)
5. Father of the Bride (1991)

a. "(Today I Met) The Boy I'm Going to Marry" - Darlene Love (1963)
b. "Be My Baby" - The Ronettes (1963)
c. "Then He Kissed Me" - The Crystals (1963)
d. "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" - The Righteous Brothers (1964)
e. "Unchained Melody" - The Righteous Brothers (1965)

What do all of these movies and songs have in common? As unrelated as they may seem, these movies were all childhood favorites of mine, but that could be because they featured songs which were also childhood favorites. What these songs share in common is that they were all produced by Phil Spector. Perhaps you're familiar with Phil Spector and his Wagnerian "Wall of Sound," a recording technique which uses lots of reverb and over-overdubbing. When I went looking for the original versions of a couple covers that Erasure did ("River Deep - Mountain High," by Ike and Tina Turner, and "Walking in the Rain," by The Ronettes), I was interested to learn that Phil Spector had a hand in both songs. Years later I was surprised to discover that he didn't just do '60s girl groups, he also worked with The Beatles and The Ramones. Finally, I was shocked to hear that he'd gone to prison for murder. If none of that's news for you, what you may never have realized is that the album, A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector (1963), was released the same day as the assassination of JFK. I imagine the first few years of the '60s, before LBJ and escalation in Vietnam, looked and sounded more like the '50s. Since the Spector-penned "Spanish Harlem" (1960), my all-time favorite oldies tune, was released right at the turn of the decade, I get it mixed up with all the doo-wop that came before it. Because of its inauspicious release date, A Christmas Gift for You might similarly come off as behind its turbulent times. While it may have been wrong for the peace movement, it's so joyously innocent and hopeful that it's perfect for the holiday season.

Here's a list of the songs on the album, grouped alphabetically by artist (titles in bold are my personal favorites):

Bob B. Soxx and the Blue Jeans
3. The Bells of St. Mary's
12. Here Comes Santa Claus

The Crystals
4. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"
8. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
10. "Parade of the Wooden Soldiers"

Darlene Love
1. "White Christmas"
6. "Marshmallow World"
9. "Winter Wonderland"
11. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"

The Ronettes
2. "Frosty the Snowman"
5. "Sleigh Ride"
7. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

I'm sure you aced the pop quiz at the top, but just in case you have doubts, the correct answers are 1-d, 2-c, 3-b, 4-e, and 5-a.

The Seventh CD of Christmas

There are two things under our tree this year that shouldn't have anything to do Christmas, but do. The snowman is representative of winter, which as everyone knows, begins a few days before Christmas. But how many people realize that the actual birth of Jesus didn't take place during the calendar month of December, or during the season of winter at all? I myself was surprised to learn that it does in fact snow in Jerusalem, but it probably didn't do so on the night that Christ was born. The nutcracker toy pictured above was a Christmas gift from my old college roommate and his wife, but it has no more to do with the true meaning of Christmas than the snowman does. It's great that both decorations are the same height and they're both equally cute. Now come to think of it, the cuteness factor must be why a nutcracker toy was the preferred Christmas gift for Marie (not Clara) in the short story, "The Nutcracker and the Mouse King" (1816), by German Romantic author, E.T.A. Hoffman. Having a Christmas party in the story was just a convenient way of getting a toy soldier into the hands of a little girl before he transformed into a human prince and took her on adventures in the Land of Sweets. But The Nutcracker ballet (1892) and its music would never have become the holiday staples that they are without that Christmas party in Act I. Furthermore, if not for the success that Walt Disney had with his not very Christmasy movie, Fantasia (1940), which included The Nutcracker Suite, William Christensen might not have brought the first complete performance of the ballet to the U.S. four years later. I learned that last tidbit from my wife, who once danced with Ballet West, the company that William Christensen founded another four years after he premiered The Nutcracker with the San Francisco Ballet. Anyway, my wife thinks my Kirov Orchestra CD is too fast to dance to, but the reason I bought it was because it was the only complete performance available on a single disc. You can easily fit The Nutcracker Suite on one CD, but that's only the eight numbers that Tchaikovsky selected for an earlier concert performance: the "Miniature Overture" (Christmasy to me), "March" (even Christmasier), "Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy" (the Christmasiest, in my opinion), "Russian Dance" (Trepak), "Arabian Dance" (Coffee), "Chinese Dance" (Tea), "Dance of the Reed-Flutes" (Marzipan), and "Waltz of the Flowers" (my favorite on the Suite). What's missing though are my absolute personal favorites: the grand Journey Through the Snow (Scene 8), the even grander "Arrival of Clara and the Prince" (Scene 11), the grandest "Pas de Deux" ever (Scene 14), Polichinelles ("Mother Ginger and Her Children"), and finally, the favorite of my many favorites, "Spanish Dance" (Chocolate). If classical music's not your thing, check out Duke Ellington's jazz version of the "Overture" (1960), Trans-Siberian Orchestra's acoustic guitar on "The Silent Nutcracker" (1996), or D-Pulse's house remix, "Acid Dance of the Plum Fairy" (2005),

The Sixth CD of Christmas

When was the last time you bought a CD for one song only? In this day and age of digital downloads, it's not something you really have to do anymore. Maybe I should be asking a different question: When was the last time you bought an album on a factory-sealed CD from a store to which you had to drive? Anyway, I bought The Voice of Christmas almost ten years ago on Amazon for one song. My wife was looking for a Luciano Pavarotti version of "Gesù bambino" and this 2CD set, which was released the same year as the single-disc Three Tenors at Chrismtas (2002), just seemed like the best value. She wanted the song for a holiday performance that she had to choreograph back when she used to teach ballet.

Turns out all the other songs are keepers. At first I couldn't dig the Dame Joan Sutherland solo pieces, but now even the squawking traditional French song "Il est né le divin enfant" brings a smile to my face. To this day, I've never seen the CD sold in stores, nor any of the other CDs in The Voice of... series (America; France; Italy; Mozart; Puccini; Verdi; etc.). You could easily buy one of the many Three Tenors' Christmas CDs anywhere, but if you're looking for an opera Christmas collection with variety, this one's got "old" (Choir of King's College, Cambridge - established in 1441) and "young" (Vienna Boys' Choir - established in 1498), both male (The Three Tenors' José Carreras) and female (the Met's Leontyne Price), religious (Messiah excerpts by the Bavarian Radio Chorus and the London Symphony Chorus) and secular ("White Christmas" by Dame Kiri Te Kanawa).

2009 has been good for opera: Susan Boyle's I Dreamed a Dream (best-selling album of the year), Andrea Bocelli's My Christmas (best-selling holiday album of the season) and Josh Groban's 2007 Noël (now quintuple platinum). Lately the fine line between musicals and opera has become more blurred with these popular artists recording selections from both side by side on the same albums. On my iPod, I label anything orchestral with singing as "Opera" (including Charlotte Church and Sarah Brightman) and anything orchestral but instrumental as "Classical" (no matter if it was written in 1409 or 2009). If an orchestral song with singing is recognizable from Broadway or a movie, I'll label it "Standards" instead of "Soundtrack" even though I know it would be easier to use "Vocal" for both musicals and opera. Before I got the The Voice of Christmas, I might have considered The Mormon Tabernacle Choir's Messiah (1959) as my favorite holiday opera album. Now it's not even my favorite "Motab" album (that would be The Joy of Christmas with Leonard Bernstein).

The Fifth CD of Christmas

In "My Easy Listening/New Age/World" post (11/11/08), I wrote how my dad first got into Mannheim Steamroller with A Fresh Aire VI (1986). I know he'd always been a fan of the song "Classical Gas," but I'm not sure if he owned the Mannheim Steamroller version on an album of the same name (1987). Then there was A Fresh Aire Christmas (1988), the sophomore release in a series of Christmas-themed albums which celebrated their 25th Anniversary with a "best of" double-disc set last year. A few years after the release of Yellowstone: The Music of Nature (1989), my family went to Yellowstone and I'm sure the CD would have been featured prominently in all the gift shops. I'm not sure which year I got into Mannheim Steamroller, but based on the way it kept intersecting with my life, it was probably inevitable. I think my dad liked the folk side of it. For me, it was all about the synthesizers. "Carol of the Bells" was like the "Axel F" of Christmas songs. It exposed me for the first time to the concept that Christmas songs could "rock," (not that it was a rock song - maybe derivative of prog rock, but far from a power metal offshoot like Trans-Siberian Orchestra) yet at the same time, it was easy listening. Paradox seems to be the goal of Mannheim Steamroller, as it's always sounded both old and new and acted both silly and serious at the same time, kind of like most people around Christmastime. The traditional (and my favorite) songs on A Fresh Aire Christmas are "Veni Veni (O Come, O Come Emmanuel), "The Holly and the Ivy" and "Still, Still, Still." For a non-traditional song, check out the "Hallelujah (Remix) " on Christmas Song (2007). In case you're wondering about the other Christmas albums, don't bother. Mannheim Steamroller Christmas (1984), is almost as good as the album featured here (not as sentimental for me) but there are only ten songs from later albums that stay true to the sound and spirit of the holiday (and earlier works):

Christmas in the Aire (1995)
2. "Joseph Dear, Oh Joseph Mine"
4. "Herbei, oh ihr Gläubigen (Oh Come All Ye Faithful)"
11. "Kling, Glöckchen"
12. "Jingle Bells"

Christmas Extraordinaire (2001)
3. "Away in a Manger"
4. "Faeries (Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy)"
5. "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
6. "The First Noel"

Christmas Celebration (2004)
1. "Christmas Celebration"

Christmas Song (2007)
10. "Traditions of Christmas" (music box)

The Fourth CD of Christmas

This post is dedicated to those who limit themselves to the contemporary Christmas pop music that they play in department stores and restaurant chains. Anyone who understands the true meaning of Christmas knows that the holiday is 2010 years old, but most Christmas compilations only feature songs written within the last 200 years. James Galway's Christmas Carol (1986) remedies that by including the "Chorale" and "Sinfonia" from Johann Sebastian Bach's Christmas Oratorio (1734) and "Ave Maria," which is based on a melody that Bach composed for The Well-Tempered Clavier (1722). Dates that old make "Frosty the Snowman" (1950) and its predecessor "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (1939) seem like new releases. He also includes "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," which is probably older than Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol (1843) and the only other familiar carol, "Greensleeves," is older than Dickens himself. My personal favorites are the "Shepherd's Pipe Carol" (1975), "I Saw Three Ships" (first published in 1928, supposedly an upbeat variation of "Greensleeves"), "Zither Carol," "Holy Boy" and "Past Three O'Clock" (1924).

The Third CD of Christmas

If I were filthy rich, there are many things that I've said I would do: buy my grandparents' cabin and live like a hermit; visit all 50 states, stopping at every national park; build a lavish home theater and organize a film festival; fund a community skate park; curate an antique music box museum. That last one's not actually true. I've never said it before but now that I have, why not? A library of golden age comic books would only be of interest to English speakers but music is universal, especially instrumental music. In the case of an unlikely but possible post-apocalyptic future without electricity, music boxes would be invaluable to music lovers without any natural musical talent. I love music boxes. The Porter Co. (surprisingly available on iTunes) Music Box Christmas, as revealed in my 12/25/08 post, was the album my parents played first thing on Christmas mornings while we opened presents. Not that I think opening presents is the essence of Christmas, but this album IS the essence of Christmas for me. It evokes a baby being born in a manger. It twinkles like starlight and almost brings me to tears. All music boxes have a somewhat melancholy sound, no matter how joyous the songs they play. Considering that my absolute favorite musical instrument is the steel drum and one of my top five things in this world is listening to church bells in the distance, it should come as no surprise that I love the sweet, simple, haunting sound of music boxes. This album straddles the line between reinterpreting Christmas classics in a new and different format and remaining faithful to the original melodies (check out the unique intro on "Greensleeves"). It also has a nice, even balance between contemporary, pop standards and traditional, religious carols. For more on the man behind this, my absolute favorite Christmas CD, click to enlarge the liner notes below:

The Second CD of Christmas

Call me a Philistine. Call me fuddy duddy. Worse yet, call me a hopeless addict, but I'll be the first to admit, I'm an Enya CD collector. In my 10/23/08 post, I mentioned that I consider a fad to be anything involving upwards of 20 million people and since Enya has had over 30 million sales in the U.S. alone, she could be considered trendy, but I'm not ashamed. You may see multiple albums pictured on this post, but "the second CD of Christmas" is really just Shepherd Moons, winner of the first of Enya's four Grammy Awards for "Best New Age Album." It doesn't have Christmas in the title like some of her later work, but it was released early one November and my dad must have bought it shortly thereafter, because I remember him playing it throughout the holidays and almost till spring. The opening and title track encapsulates the season of winter more than any other song I know. The second track, "Caribbean Blue," doesn't transport me to a tropical paradise - instead, it brings to my mind the hustle and bustle of gift shopping, or of Santa's elves speedily building toys. The third track, "How Can I Keep From Singing?" sounds like midnight Mass because of the echo and organ. The tribal fourth track isn't very Christmasy, neither the popular single, "Book of Days," nor the last track with bagpipes. But I still like them all. My two favorite tracks on the album (and the most Christmasy) are "Angeles" and "Marble Halls" (which reminds my granddad of his childhood).

Enya's follow-up to Shepherd Moons was the Oíche Chiún (Silent Night) single. My dad immediately snatched that up too but I waited a few years and then bought The Christmas EP. They have different cover art but both feature the songs "Oíche Chiún" and "'s Fagaim Mo Bhaile" (very Christmasy). The reason I waited to buy the EP was that it had more songs than the single, but those songs turned out to be recycled from the albums Watermark and The Celts. Now I'm missing the song "Oriel Window" (more Christmasy), which is on the single but not on the EP, and I prefer that to the song "As Baile" (less Christmasy), which is on the EP but not on the single. I'm also missing the Target exclusive, Sounds of the Season: The Enya Holiday Collection (known as the Christmas Secrets EP in Canada). It starts with "Oíche Chiún" (which seems to be on everything including the charity compilation, A Very Special Christmas), but adds a couple new interpretations of the Christmas classics, "Adeste Fideles (Oh Come All Ye Faithful)" and "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." Both of those versions are so-so, but the fourth track, "Christmas Secrets" is a must-have and I don't have it (the cheapest solution may be to buy the import-only Amarantine: Special Christmas Edition, an album I already own the original version of).

In my 11/11/08 post, I noted that both Enya and Mannheim Steamroller had come out with Christmas-themed albums on the same day. And Winter Came... was Enya's release that day and if you take away the song I discussed in that post, "Trains and Winter Rains," along with the rockin' "My! My! Time Flies!" (which just happen to be the first two tracks on last year's Very Best of Enya CD/DVD) what you're left with is like a new version of Shepherd Moons. The title track on And Winter Came... encapsulates the season almost as well as the title track on Shepherd Moons. The second track, "Journey of the Angels" takes me back to "Angeles" and "Last Time By Moonlight" is like the new "Marble Halls." The third track, "White Is in the Winter Night," is the new gift shopping/elf toymaking addition. The fourth track, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" is the new midnight Mass carol. I'm hardly the first person to suggest that Enya's albums all sound the same and I won't be the last that honestly doesn't care. Ireland's other, bigger, musical export to the world, U2, also cranks out albums which all sound the same to me and I'm fine with that as well (I like their "Christmas Baby Please Come Home" on the aforementioned charity compilation, A Very Special Christmas). There are lots of excessive and redundant holiday traditions and I'll take them all, thank you much.

The First CD of Christmas

There are lot of Christmas movies and animated TV specials with songs and instrumental scores that I like: White Christmas (1954), Babes in Toyland (1961), Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964), The Small One (1978) and Gremlins (1984). I only own one Christmas movie soundtrack on CD and that's Home Alone (1990). I didn't own a CD player when the movie came out, but when I started buying CDs, it was one of my firsts. It's not just a Christmas thing either. Every year at Thanksgiving, my mom's whole side of the family would get together and my uncle would offer to take all my cousins and me to the movies but it never happened. To this day, I've only ever been to the theater on Thanksgiving once, when all my aunts and uncles together took us to Home Alone. I think of that every Thanksgiving as it's one of the happiest memories of my life, plus I saw the trailer for Edward Scissorhands (another somewhat Christmas movie with a great soundtrack). I learned to comb my hair and put on deodorant from the aftershave screaming scene so you know the movie's ingrained in my daily routine. Speaking of the aftershave scenes, without the lip-synching one I might never have been exposed to Mel Tormé, and I personally think he's better than Bing Crosby OR Frank Sinatra. Unfortunately for the time being I don't own any of his Christmas albums. I just rewatched the DVD with the director's commentary and I learned that John Williams wasn't the first choice for composer on Home Alone. The director wanted Bruce Broughton, who coincidentally did lots of other holiday-themed soundtracks, including The Thanksgiving Promise (1986) and Miracle on 34th Street (1994). Nobody thought John Williams would do a "kiddie" movie, but then he followed this one up with Hook (1991). That leads me to my final point. What's so great about Home Alone is that John Williams didn't treat it like a "kiddie" movie and neither did the rest of the cast or crew. Director Chris Columbus even claims that he was inspired by Charles Dickens in Great Expectations (1860) and Oliver Twist (1837), which are both dark stories about kids in over their heads. This reminds me of an IMDb comment I read recently, by Lou Pine from Dublin, about the movie Parents (1989):

"There is an aspect to childhood that is too often (and in the case of Hollywood almost always) forgotten and that is the dark side. The world for a child does not always appear as a bright, shining place of wonder and joy; more often than not the world is strange, forbidding and completely out of our control. That appearance is not deceptive; what is deceptive is the web of fictions we build up over time to help us deal with this. For me part of the thrill of horror (real horror, not simply the slash and stack variety), is the remembrance of that childhood chill, the memory of what Lovecraft termed cosmic horror and Freud called the Uncanny. Regardless of who those people are, parents as the symbol of unimpeachable, unquestioned authority whom we have to trust regardless of their real motives, are a potent representation of this chaotic universe, a universe that could crush us at any moment if it wanted to, but which we're stuck with."

'70s Psychological Thriller I Just Saw for the First Time

"The cinema of horror provides its highly secularized audience with their last - perhaps their only - opportunity to experience mystery and miracle . . . The great frenzies of chaos, creation, disobedience, disaster, solitude and evil which have been rendered vague or bland in the well-bred church and synagogue services of the '70s are restored to their terrifying proportions in the half-light of the movie theaters. Priests of the horror cinema still recite incantations that count." (Leonard Wolf, "In Horror Movies, Some Things Are Sacred," The New York Times, April 4, 1976, as quoted by David J. Skal in The Monster Show: A Cultural History of Horror, p. 386)

The Wicker Man (two and a half stars total) I had to look up the definition of "straw man" arguments. It's been too many years since high school speech and debate class. I was curious to see if it would have any correlation to the movie, The Wicker Man (1973). I admit that anything can be twisted to mean anything for argument's sake. This ties in directly with "straw man" arguments, which directly tie in with The Wicker Man, no twisting necessary. The police sergeant who goes to investigate the report of a missing person wants a "proper" Christian burial and to enforce laws against public indecency. The pagan islanders he's investigating want religious tolerance and a "miracle" that will restore their crops in the coming year (never mind their own elaborate involvement in the machinations). The policeman's "reasoning" with the islanders is a logical fallacy because he's only attacking his own "distorted" version of their position and that fails to constitute an attack on their actual position (see Wikipedia for a full list of logical fallacies). It's so cruel the way they talk down to him at the end, explaining everything in layman's terms that even a self-righteous blowhard can't argue with, but I guess it's no more dismissive than when he laughs at their custom for "supernatural impregnation" toward the beginning. As a kid, I thought the title referred to the villain's name, but the truth is much more terrifying than that. The villain is just actor Christopher Lee, dressed in purple and yellow drag.

If there were such a thing as the "Twelve Days of Halloween," they might start tomorrow. This is debatable because the "Twelve Days of Christmas" either end on Christmas Day or the day before Epiphany (see Shakespeare's Twelfth Night), so who's to say whether you should start this make-believe holiday extension by counting down from October 20 or October 31? Holiday blending like "Chrismahanukwanzakah" or "Festivus" really get to me. Christmas alone is an example, blending the displaced Nativity (December 25) and the arrival of the Wise Men/baptism of Jesus (January 6) with the ancient Roman Saturnalia (December 17-23) and the pagan Germanic Yuletide/winter solstice (December 21-22). Somewhere along the line, Halloween has transmuted into a second tier Christmas Day, probably because it's the second most commercialized holiday in the U.S. For me, Halloween will never be just an appetizer or a speed bump before Christmas. It's neither the anti-Christmas nor a dark twin to its neighbor holiday. Don't even get me started on The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993). Would this still have happened if Halloween were in June? Unfortunately, its proximity to Christmas has led to atrocities like Halloween wreaths, trees, stockings, pumpkin "snowmen" and "haunted" gingerbread houses. Soon there won't any distinction between holiday celebrations. Alas, it's the only politically correct way to go.

My How I've Let Go

My brother recently asked me to send him "my best pictures" of myself and my family for a gift he was putting together for our mom. I'd completely forgotten about the above picture and I couldn't believe that was me just five and a half years ago. The picture below is me as I am now, complete with cookie addiction and hair growth in new and interesting places.

Merry "Halfway To Christmas Day" Day!

This year makes the 4th that I have distributed "Halfway To Christmas Day" cards on June 25th at my office. My coworkers have come to not only expect it, but anxiously anticipate it. I include handwritten reminders inside each card, such as "New Year's resolutions should be halfway resolved," and "time to start working on your actual Christmas cards." My wife and I are horrible about sending personalized Christmas cards out on time at the end of the year. I recommend starting after Halloween rather than Thanksgiving weekend/Black Friday (you know you're not going to get anything productive accomplished then). Starting in June - no problem. Since you, my online reader, probably won't receive a physical card today, may I offer this timely piece of advice: Gather everything in your house that you haven't used since last Christmas, post it on Craigslist, or hold a summer yard sale with lemonade for the kiddies and save your earnings for this coming Christmas when you'll really need it. (This is mostly a call to arms for myself.)

Merry Christmas

Look how much my son grew from last Christmas, his first, to his second this year.

Christmas Eve has always been my favorite holiday, but this year I gave a lot of thought to why it's better than Christmas Day. Growing up, my family carried out most of its traditions on Christmas Eve night, lighting candles throughout the house, reading the Christmas story from the Bible, and listening to an old-timey radio show of Sir Laurence Olivier doing Dicken's A Christmas Carol (where he does all the characters' voices himself). Christmas morning our only traditions were taking our stockings back to our beds until everyone was awake, waiting to open presents until my dad had lit the fireplace and started playing the Porter Co. Music Box Christmas. Nothing on Christmas Day could match the feeling, a combination of anticipation and reverence, from Christmas Eve. Gift-giving was the only thing we did that day with reference to the original Nativity scene and the meaning of Christmas. I know that many families open all their presents on Christmas Eve. What then is left for the main holiday? Perhaps church services are held the night before so that families can stay together the whole next day. My parents wouldn't let us go out and play with neighbor kids, no matter how many knocked on the door. I guess even more important than a baby being born was a family being brought together by that birth - the entire human family. Last night, my wife and I layed on the couch, looking at the lights on the tree, listening to the complete Nutcracker, and reminisced about all the Christmases past since we've known each other. Our first date was to The Nutcracker ballet. I'd already known her for months but I knew I loved her that night. I proposed two years later on the anniversary of that date. I didn't realize till last night that we already had a family tradition going before we were ever married.

My Favorite Christmas Movie

Released the same year as my birth, Disney's Small One is hands-down my favorite Christmas movie. My dad owns every adaptation of Dickens' Christmas Carol, my wife prefers the remake of Miracle on 34th Street (1994) to the original (1947), the general public has It's a Wonderful Life (1946) and I recently found a three-pack DVD set with A Christmas Story (1983), Christmas Vacation (1989), and Elf (2003), but nothing beats The Small One. Not Home Alone, The Grinch, or Charlie Brown. I'm man enough to admit I start crying (and I do mean tears streaming) during the opening credits and I don't stop till after the half hour short is over (it was played in theaters before the rerelease of Pinnochio).

Here are the lyrics of the theme song that do it to me, written by director Don Bluth (before he did The Secret of NIMH, An American Tail, The Land Before Time, All Dogs Go to Heaven, and Anastasia):

"Small one
Small one
Don't look so blue
Somewhere a friend
Is waiting for you
Someone still needs you
To brighten His day
There's a place for each small one
God planned it that way

Time is passing
Days are few
Give while you can
To one smaller than you
All things living
Great and small
Each brings a gift
That is needed by all"

The movie is based on a book by Charles Tazewell (better known for The Littlest Angel), and while it's obviously about the Nativity of Jesus and the donkey that takes Mary to Bethlehem, it's about so much more to me. The message of the song is plainly about the worth of a soul but it also hints at developing our talents. The movie says a lot about how the world determines value and a little bit about familial duties, but what it doesn't came straight out and say is that there's a theme about the cycle of old age and new birth. If I had to pick just one moral to the story, it would be that the right place at the right time isn't always easy or apparent.

Unsweetened Holidays (Not Even Any Guaraná)

I've gained 50lbs. since high school and here's how: First, I went to Brazil and drank guaraná (the most popular soft drink there; halfway between rasberry and creme soda; see my label collage above) everyday for almost two years. Add ten pounds. Next, I came home and worked at a pizza parlor for a few months before college. Add ten more pounds. For a year after that, I lived in the dorms and had three big cafeteria meals everyday. Definitely worth ten pounds. Plus I worked graveyards at a hotel where I got a free bottle of Coke and a candy bar from the convenience store for every four hour shift. Add at least ten pounds. Had I stayed there any longer, I would have developed type 2 diabetes. Instead, I got married. Add ten and that makes 50lbs. So it's all a little bit disconcerting and I fully admit it was easily avoidable, but weight loss is not the reason for this next thing I'm going to tell you.

I'm not eating any artificial sweets from Halloween to Christmas this year. I've done it before and I didn't lose any weight (which is fine because I don't exercise). Think of it as a trip to the great outdoors, only one that lasts a couple months. I'm just trying to "get away" - y'know, break up my routine. Anyone who's been to summer camp knows how much introspection and perspective is made possible by bland food and adverse sleeping conditions. I'm keeping a list (was there any doubt?) of each item I get a craving for so I can look it over when I'm done and decide what I actually missed and identify what kinds of things just get put in my way, which I can do without. My first test came last Friday (Halloween) when my boss was gracious enough to take me and another coworker to a Cuban restaurant and they had guaraná. Since soft drinks are the main thing I'm trying to avoid, I had to pass, but it was excruciatingly difficult. I mean, how often does someone else offer to pay for your expensive, imported, Brazilian beverage?

Standards
I am eating lots of fruit, but not fruit leather or fruit smoothies.
I am drinking juice, but not Kool-Aid or Hawaiian Punch.
I am eating yogurt, but not ice cream and that includes shakes.
I'll eat a can of fruit cocktail, but I couldn't justify some Thai mango sweet rice last week.
My boss keeps Brach's candy on his desk, which doesn't seem like a big thing, but it is.
It was hard walking by the San Diego Root Beer Co. on Saturday.
In Old Town there's a gift shop that smells like licorice, but I had to keep moving.
Sundays I usually make brownies, but that tradition's on hold.
I always have cookies with my Subway sandwiches, but not for now.
Tuesday night is $1 cone night at Baskin-Robbins here, but it will have to wait.
I can't even have syrup on my pancakes or eat Pop Tarts for breakfast.

Halloween
no candy, caramel apples, or Wendy's Frostie coupons

Thanksgiving
no candied yams, cranberry sauce, or pumpkin pies

Christmas
no egg nog, gingerbread, or hot cocoa (at least, not until after Christmas)

"Feel Good" Schmeel Good

My wife loves what I call "Hallmark" movies, although they're not all officially from Hallmark. Most people just call them "feel good" movies (see http://www.trulymovingpictures.org/the-list.aspx). High School Musical 3 is supposedly "the feel good movie of the year," so she wanted to see it, plus a dancer friend of hers is an extra in the movie, so she HAD to see it. All I Want for Christmas is a TV movie that made it onto a DVD at Blockbuster and I didn't plan on watching it, but then I thought it might be interesting to review side-by-side with HSM3.

In High School Musical 3, (two and a half stars total) the seniors' graduation isn't the most important one, that would be the series' graduation to the big screen. Remember that scene in Dream a Little Dream where Corey Feldman dresses up like Michael Jackson and dances on the bleachers in the school gym? I kept trying to tell myself that somehow wasn't as cheesy as High School Musical, but it wasn't. HSM is like the new generation's version of that scene, but stretched to an hour and a half. It would be unfair to review this movie as anything other than what it is, a high school production of a musical with Disney $$$. Therefore, I decided to just break it down by song (track listing provided by iTunes):

1. "Now Or Never" - back to Michael Jackson, this opener owes so much to "Jam" (listen and compare); the main difference I see here from old Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly movies is that you couldn't be sure whether those guys were really singing or not; in HSM, it's plainly obvious they're lip-synching

2. "Right Here, Right Now" - why do all bubblegum pop artists sing so nasally? the post-game party in the background of this song has more movement than any real-life, standing awkwardly in one place, underage drinking party in existence

3. "I Want It All" - a teenage guy in a necktie and a girl in go-go boots - they MUST be the villains! this is the best number as it looks the closest to a classic, Busby Berkeley stage production

4. "Can I Have This Dance" - songs like this are the reason I avoid country/R&B radio stations; I used to live mere blocks from the true East High where they filmed this and I don't think there's a rooftop garden, much less one that would be easily accessible by students

5. "A Night To Remember" - a Britney-esque which I really can't remember; what does stick out in my mind is that the class president/valedictorian/smart chick always wears the same outfit in different colors; what's up with that, plus all the tree climbing in the movie too?

6. "Just Wanna Be With You" - it was hard for me to believe that a couple who act like childhood friends and perform in musical theater could still be nervous about things like dancing the waltz

7. "The Boys Are Back" - this was to say that acting, much like the superhero genre, is just for kids; by the end of the movie, I hope all audiences have learned the moral that you're never too old to have fun; the acrobats performing during this number are worth most of the ticket price

8. "Walk Away" - I kid you not, the chorus on this is a total ripoff of "Don't Turn Around" by Ace of Base; I already mentioned that I lived right by the real East High, but I also was born in Albuquerque (where the HSM series is set), so I'm surprised I don't care more overall

9. "Scream" - could have been a cool Michael Jackson tribute; instead, it's the most annoying song and the creepiest sequence, where student and teacher are alone together in the school building in the dark

10. "Senior Year Spring Musical" - if you liked Drumline and Stomp the Yard as did I, then you'll appreciate the hip hop-styled marching band formations here

11. "We're All In This Together" - more like the traditional high school choir sound; I was confused by the two main female characters putting their arms around each other for graduation pictures because I thought they were enemies; I guess I missed the part where they explain that there are no enemies here (like this song title suggests) except for the foreign exchange student (and is it wrong for me to think she was the coolest character of all?)

12. "Just Getting Started" - typical, Broadway-sounding crap; if this was the "feel good" movie of the year because the series is ending, I get it; but mostly I just think it will become a guilty pleasure for the kids of today, after they grow up and look back - much like my Michael Jackson and Ace of Base CDs

All I Want for Christmas (one star total) was good in that it helped me realize what I hate about most "feel good" movies, which I think I'll start calling "force feed" movies instead. Forgetting for a moment how utterly implausible most of their plots are (a widowed mother just happens to live next door to a guy who is always available to watch her son, be his Boy Scout leader, and volunteer at her homeless shelter), they are often manipulative to the point of puking. Did I mention that the widow looks like a model, and her late husband was a NYC cop killed in the line of duty? How else COULD the audience feel about this? Everyone is so darn likable and the only thing they ever do wrong is not communicate openly with each other (which happens to also be my main reason for dismissing most romantic comedies). Did I mention that all the characters live in fabulous, roomy condos near Central Park, regardless of their realistic incomes? Beautiful people in beautiful settings earn this movie half a yellow and half an orange star. But the music... Ugh, the music. Just. Would. Not. Stop. I felt like I couldn't breathe with the constant, Leave It To Beaver-style themes telling me how I should feel in EVERY scene. By the time good neighbor proposes to the widow (in a church, no less) on Christmas Eve (to top it off), the audience must either be in tears or headed to the restroom to purge themselves of the whole affair.