In High School Musical 3, (two and a half stars total) the seniors' graduation isn't the most important one, that would be the series' graduation to the big screen. Remember that scene in Dream a Little Dream where Corey Feldman dresses up like Michael Jackson and dances on the bleachers in the school gym? I kept trying to tell myself that somehow wasn't as cheesy as High School Musical, but it wasn't. HSM is like the new generation's version of that scene, but stretched to an hour and a half. It would be unfair to review this movie as anything other than what it is, a high school production of a musical with Disney $$$. Therefore, I decided to just break it down by song (track listing provided by iTunes):1. "Now Or Never" - back to Michael Jackson, this opener owes so much to "Jam" (listen and compare); the main difference I see here from old Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly movies is that you couldn't be sure whether those guys were really singing or not; in HSM, it's plainly obvious they're lip-synching
2. "Right Here, Right Now" - why do all bubblegum pop artists sing so nasally? the post-game party in the background of this song has more movement than any real-life, standing awkwardly in one place, underage drinking party in existence
3. "I Want It All" - a teenage guy in a necktie and a girl in go-go boots - they MUST be the villains! this is the best number as it looks the closest to a classic, Busby Berkeley stage production
4. "Can I Have This Dance" - songs like this are the reason I avoid country/R&B radio stations; I used to live mere blocks from the true East High where they filmed this and I don't think there's a rooftop garden, much less one that would be easily accessible by students
5. "A Night To Remember" - a Britney-esque which I really can't remember; what does stick out in my mind is that the class president/valedictorian/smart chick always wears the same outfit in different colors; what's up with that, plus all the tree climbing in the movie too?
6. "Just Wanna Be With You" - it was hard for me to believe that a couple who act like childhood friends and perform in musical theater could still be nervous about things like dancing the waltz
7. "The Boys Are Back" - this was to say that acting, much like the superhero genre, is just for kids; by the end of the movie, I hope all audiences have learned the moral that you're never too old to have fun; the acrobats performing during this number are worth most of the ticket price
8. "Walk Away" - I kid you not, the chorus on this is a total ripoff of "Don't Turn Around" by Ace of Base; I already mentioned that I lived right by the real East High, but I also was born in Albuquerque (where the HSM series is set), so I'm surprised I don't care more overall
9. "Scream" - could have been a cool Michael Jackson tribute; instead, it's the most annoying song and the creepiest sequence, where student and teacher are alone together in the school building in the dark
10. "Senior Year Spring Musical" - if you liked Drumline and Stomp the Yard as did I, then you'll appreciate the hip hop-styled marching band formations here
11. "We're All In This Together" - more like the traditional high school choir sound; I was confused by the two main female characters putting their arms around each other for graduation pictures because I thought they were enemies; I guess I missed the part where they explain that there are no enemies here (like this song title suggests) except for the foreign exchange student (and is it wrong for me to think she was the coolest character of all?)
12. "Just Getting Started" - typical, Broadway-sounding crap; if this was the "feel good" movie of the year because the series is ending, I get it; but mostly I just think it will become a guilty pleasure for the kids of today, after they grow up and look back - much like my Michael Jackson and Ace of Base CDs
All I Want for Christmas (one star total) was good in that it helped me realize what I hate about most "feel good" movies, which I think I'll start calling "force feed" movies instead. Forgetting for a moment how utterly implausible most of their plots are (a widowed mother just happens to live next door to a guy who is always available to watch her son, be his Boy Scout leader, and volunteer at her homeless shelter), they are often manipulative to the point of puking. Did I mention that the widow looks like a model, and her late husband was a NYC cop killed in the line of duty? How else COULD the audience feel about this? Everyone is so darn likable and the only thing they ever do wrong is not communicate openly with each other (which happens to also be my main reason for dismissing most romantic comedies). Did I mention that all the characters live in fabulous, roomy condos near Central Park, regardless of their realistic incomes? Beautiful people in beautiful settings earn this movie half a yellow and half an orange star. But the music... Ugh, the music. Just. Would. Not. Stop. I felt like I couldn't breathe with the constant, Leave It To Beaver-style themes telling me how I should feel in EVERY scene. By the time good neighbor proposes to the widow (in a church, no less) on Christmas Eve (to top it off), the audience must either be in tears or headed to the restroom to purge themselves of the whole affair.
No comments:
Post a Comment