Scarier Than Scary

DISCLAIMER: I don't believe in aliens, the Bermuda Triangle, the Loch Ness monster (but maybe sea serpents at the bottom of the ocean), neither magic nor mermaids. I don't worship Mother Nature, historical sorcery just smacks of drugs to me, and possession isn't possible (definitely not in children) unless people allow themselves to be possessed. I'm not especially into dragons, fairies, unicorns, or The Lord of the Rings, and I don't think the movies were that great. I do like vampires (a metaphor for xenophobia), werewolves (a metaphor for mental illness), and zombies (a metaphor for consumerism), but I don't think they're real. The demons I believe in aren't red and they don't have horns (that's all symbolism) and true spirits of the deceased don't hang around to haunt houses or infect videotapes. I tell ghost stories around the campfire, not to invite evil into my mind, but because it's fun feeling scared when you know that there's NOTHING to really fear. Not fiction, not reality, not others, not yourself, and not fear itself.

If I had to be scared of something, it could be nazi, book-burning, holy-roller, soccer moms who hate Harry Potter because they believe their kids could actually learn witchcraft at the public library. My mom used to confiscate any books of horror that I brought into the house the same way her parents confiscated a copy of M*A*S*H from her older sibling and then burned it even though the book belonged to a school friend. One of my favorite things about elementary school were book fairs and that's where I first saw The Scariest Stories You've Ever Heard series. I never bought them myself until a few years ago on ebay, probably for the reason I just mentioned. Now I keep them in "the box" (see my 9/11/08 post). Perhaps they were only available through book fairs, because while they were far superior to the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark series, they never gained the same popularity. I've seen the latter series (first published about five years before the former) at Wal-Mart, the grocery store Halloween aisle, and I even saw an anniversary hardcover edition last time I was at Borders. My primary purpose for this post is to inform all who are looking for scary stories, don't believe the hype. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark may have made libraries' Top 100 Most Challenged Books from 1990-2000, but it's lame. Go for the gold, search your used bookstore, and check out the series that really delivers (the titles in bold are my top ten):

The Scariest Stories You've Ever Heard (Mark Mills, 1988)
1. The Horrible Hook* - "hanging on the handle of the car door"
2. Never Walk There at Night - "she had pinned herself to the grave."
3. A Deadly Night at the Dew Drop Inn - "you're not going anywhere."
4. The Hand - "still hung from the string, but now its muscles were strained"
5. The Horror in the Backseat* - "flashing my lights was the only way"
6. The Baby-Sitter - "toying with an electronic voice-changer."
7. Prom Fright! - "his lifeless feet were hitting the hood of the car."
8. The Night of the Sasquatch - "WoooooOOOOOOOOOoooooo."
9. The Night He Came Back - "lovingly tied, was Bridgette's scarf."
10. The Headless Brakeman - "down the tracks on that fateful curve."
11. The Viper - "he rolled up his pant leg and unbuckled his artificial leg."
12. The Incredible Case of Captain Hanson's Leg - "it doesn't rain salt water."
13. The Dog Man - "tearing voraciously at their old master's body."
14. The Terrifying Tale of Taily-Po - "all I want's my taily-po..."

Part II (Katherine Burt, 1989)
1. The Doctor's Visit - "she's been dead for over three years."
2. Brenda's New Dress - "a chemical that stopped her blood from flowing."
3. The Deadly Dare - "bloody from having scratched on the door to get in."
4. The Doggie's Treat - "she was choking on two human fingers."
5. Terror Trip* - "there was the red ribbon she wore around her neck."
6. The Last Initiation - "he was pretending to be hanged."
7. The Rose Garden - "I didn't want the house down here in the valley."
8. The Man on the Dock - "fishing over near the flooded locust grove."
9. The Hitchhiker - "these are special gloves."
10. Trick or Treat - "his awkward walk and his hospital name tag"
11. It Walks at Midnight - "the name on the dog tag was Midnight."

Part III (Tracey E. Dils, 1990)
1. Hide-and-Seek* - "it was the skeleton of Mr. Mackinbecker's bride."
2. Dead Man's Hill - "what's even better than taking the curve solo"
3. The Secret of the Dollhouse - "her grandmother's rocking chair"
4. The Slasher* - "you must get off at the next stop."
5. Horror Weekend - "Mac Tolliver had come back."
6. Midnight - "on top of Midnight's grave, was Thomas' blue baby blanket."
7. The Sea of the Dead - "a fungus, Mr. Gray paused, that only grows..."
8. Killer Cactus - "where the tarantula eggs had come from."
9. The Man with the Skeleton Face - "engine expoded and I guess the captain..."

* Signifies stories that seem to be well-known folktales and urban legends. I think "Taily-Po" is included in both series. I'll have to make all those urban legend websites my next browsing project. One last note: The Scariest Stories series, save for the sasquatch, contains no creatures, just ghosts WITHOUT complex, revenge-from-the-grave plots and your garden variety psychopaths. People are much scarier than monsters anyday. Or night.