What Would You Grab in Case of a Fire?

If our place burns down, my wife has said she'll grab my teddy bear while I grab our son. When her sister first saw my teddy bear she said, "oh I like him." Most people have this reaction because he's just so darned perfect. Even my son prefers him over my wife's or his own stuffed animals but he's never asked for him in his crib, he just likes looking at him. Who wouldn't? See his perfectly round head, his big Muppet eyes, his Tweedledee belly, his banana-shaped arms and elephant-stump legs. After my wife brought up the possibility of losing Teddy (that's his name), I suggested that we take him for a photo shoot at Glamour Shots or Wal-Mart, to preserve his memory. My wife said she could see the photographer letting us pose WITH him but she couldn't imagine anyone allowing us to spend money on professional-quality pictures of just the bear. It's just as well because I don't think they'd do close-ups either and I need some clear shots of his hollow pouch tail where I used to store gumballs. That reminds me, last time I inspected him closely I noticed that one of his armpits was coming unstitched. I should have my mom take a look at that when she comes to visit next weekend.

So the story goes that my parents tried to give our first dog Heidi this squeaky chew toy for Christmas but I kept it for myself. Boy did I ever. I kept it on my headboard in its own little bed made from a donut box lined with a pillowcase. I think he's a monkey but I named him Goosey Man because, if you look closely, he has feathers rather than fur. Have you ever seen anything like him? Orange feathers, red clown nose, white fur face and belly, sitting cross-legged with his prehensile hands and feet. I'm making up that last part but it could be true. The bottom line is that so much detail and imagination went into this doggie chew toy - a chew toy! I had to rescue it from slobbery snouts everywhere, it's just too much craftsmanship to get buried in the backyard, or worse, sunbleached and covered in dust. If you can't tell by now, I believed in treating toys as good as people long before I ever saw the movie Toy Story.