Happy Halloween, Part III

On this, the third Halloween since I started this blog, I'm reviewing not one, not two, but THREE totally '80s, cheesy, "atomic" horror, B-movie spoofs. There's also pictures of my son wearing his Lil' Frankie costume for the third year in a row and the Jack O'Lanterns that I freehanded (so don't judge my witch too harshly).

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (one and a half stars total) was my personal favorite of the bunch, despite the fact that I gave it the lowest rating. I don't think I've ever pointed out here that my "scientific method" for reviewing movies may subjectively rate craftsmanship, but it has no bearing on transcendental qualities, or unquantifiable sentimentalities. Just because I consider my favorite movie of all time to be a five star movie doesn't mean that any of my other favorites deserve the same rating. Killer Klowns (1988) doesn't sound like it would be a scary movie, it isn't really meant to be a scary movie, and yet, if watched with a certain state of mind, it becomes scary for fleeting moments. Its creators, the Chiodo brothers, also did the special effects on Elf (2003) and Team America: World Police (2004). It stars John Vernon, the bad guy from such silly classics as Animal House (1978), Herbie Goes Bananas (1980) and Ernest Goes to Camp (1987). The theme song was written and performed by The Dickies, the first California punk band to be signed to a major record label. I'd go on but there's nothing I can say that's going to change anyone's mind about this movie.

The longer I watched Night of the Comet (two stars total), the less I liked it. You know a movie's bad when it has to use a cover version of Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" instead of the original. It stars Catherine Mary Stewart, who was also the leading lady on The Last Starfighter (1984) and Weekend at Bernie's (1989). She plays an independently minded 18-year-old that works at L.A.'s historic El Rey theater, loves arcade games, and knows more useless trivia about Superman than her boyfriend, who becomes breakfast for a zombie the morning after a comet that killed the dinosaurs passes by Earth again. For me, the real star of the show was Kelli Maroney, the leading lady from Chopping Mall (1986), as the bubblegum-popping, younger sister. I defy you to name another movie where violence is so casually domesticized as in this one's line that goes "the MAC-10 submachine gun was practically designed for housewives." Ah, the Reagan years. I honestly do miss some '80s styles, not the shoulder pads, but definitely the big hair. Despite the fashion revival that's happening right now, Halloween is my only chance to see the best outfits from yesteryear, the oversize button-down shirts with the sleeves rolled up under colorful vests. Wait a minute, maybe I'm thinking of the early '90s.

Tremors (three and a half stars total) The early '90s kinda blend with the late '80s in my mind, hence the reason that Tremors (1990) can be considered totally '80s. I mean, it's got Kevin Bacon, isn't that good enough? He did Flatliners the same year as this movie, but over the last decade he's done almost all thrillers. I was living out of country when Wild Things (1998) and Stir of Echoes (1999) came out and I still haven't seen them, but I thought Bacon definitely brought his dark Everyman thing to Mystic River (2003) and The Woodsman (2004). Anyway, you gotta love him for doing Tremors, because he didn't have to and it appears as though he had fun. Granted, it's beautiful country, he gets to do an accent, cuss up a storm, be the hero and get the girl. The only other familiar faces are the dad from Family Ties (1982-1989), the grandpa from the 3 Ninjas (1991-1997) series, and Reba McEntire as a survivalist gun nut. You gotta love survivalists, (at least you do in this movie, along with the harmonica, because they play a lot of it). The moral to the story happens to be the same as the Boy Scout motto, "be prepared." It got me wondering how many people would be able to handle heavy machinery in a pinch. It's a good skill to have in creature features where characters are cut off from the rest of the world.